YOGA

My second whole week with R&M is nearly over and I haven't written anything about the most important aspect of my stay: the practice.

Pretty much every day I get pushed in some posture. From day one Marci picked on my vinyasa. “Your hands are too close. You’re leaning to one side”. So, after every posture, I take my time to adjust the hands, lift up, take the legs through.... In backbends, including urdhva dhanurasana, ustrasana, lagu vajrasana and kapotasana, she is getting me to use my legs more. Until they burn. And then some. I’ve had some pretty good adjustments in bakasana B but it still seems very far from my reach.

I hear this a lot: “You’re too weak”. “You need to get stronger in --”. “You need to practice this to get more strength”. I just wanna make excuses (the floor is uneven; but I did it better yesterday; I was unwell so I feel weak today), or turn around and say ‘but I’m trying so hard!’ (and I do, I really do). After some mornings I feel deflated and hopeless, like there’s something wrong with me because I’m so weak. I bite my lips to hold back tears of frustration and tell myself this is all part of the process. And I try again. And again... And again.....

But every day, at the end of it when I lie exhausted in savasana, I feel better than before I started, better than the previous day. And this is why I’m here; to be challenged, pushed, worked hard, adjusted... And hopefully, eventually, ‘strenght is coming, weakness going’.